So. Exciting.

I’ve left the riots in London and am back in Canada for a month to reprise my role as 9/11 Girl one last time. Playing the part isn’t the exciting bit; knowing it’s for the last time is what’s making me happy. Retirement, here I come!!

Obviously I could’ve stopped this all sooner. After all, choice is a beautiful thing and we all have that power! The truth is I didn’t have much else going for me for most of these past 10 years. I was a bit lost, as many 20-somethings are. I spent 6 years finishing my damn Journalism degree only to realize I am too traumatized to shove cameras in people’s faces. That left a bit of a gap, and a huge feeling of panic. Being 9/11 Girl wasn’t really what I wanted to do but I had nothing else.

That’s all changed now.

During those first few weeks after the attacks, I knew I’d be dealing with the media for a decade, and wondered what my life would look like when that decade was over. Most importantly, I wanted to be happy. I thought that the purpose of a terrorist act was less about killing innocent people, and more about scaring the shit out those who witnessed it. My dad was a victim of terrorism; he was killed. But death is only one way to lose a life….not wanting to be alive, not enjoying life…well, that’s another way. I didn’t want to become another victim.

Now I’m not saying it’s been a pretty, or very graceful 10 years…but I made it. I’m happy! One of the silver linings of being 9/11 Girl was that I learned all kinds of ways I didn’t want to live: depressed, drunk, anxious, always running and looking for an escape. I think I just ran out of options I didn’t enjoy, and with the help of some really supportive friends and my crazy but wonderful family I stumbled onto the things that make me excited to be alive.

Which means, dear terrorists, I WIN!! You didn’t get me, na na na naaaaaaa na.
Not horribly mature, but it’s been a pretty epic battle and gosh darn it, I am going to have my moment and gloat.

I’m also painfully aware that I am one of the lucky ones. There are so many people – including a lot of Canadians – who haven’t had the opportunity to heal. They have been stuck in their own personal war against terrorism for a lot longer than 10 years and I want to help. I want you to help me too, and I’ll let you know how very soon.

No matter what the sport or activity was, my dad always insisted on a “big finish.” That meant the run ended with a sprint, the race ended with an extra push….it meant not giving up because the end was in sight, but rather charging at it with every ounce of strength and energy left in your body. I didn’t always appreciate that philosophy, I must admit, but in this case that is exactly what’s required. I may be retiring, but not before a big finish.

Stay tuned…